cawcawbangfucki'mdead!

Please.

2005-04-17T17:05:22Z

To all of you out there who come across this journal and are greeted by a "Friends Only" banner and a years worth of inane, pointless entries, please, for your sake, do not read them. If you would like to read this journal, comment to be added, but reading the old entries would really just be bad for your health and brain cell count. If that's even a real thing.

Thank you.

tamponwrapper @ 2005-02-22T21:23:00

2005-02-23T02:26:50Z

Oh, I give up.

I'm stupid.

You're stupid.

I'm probably going to take you off my friend's list.

I'll change my fucking number.

I'll move.

I'll change my name to something you'd never even guess.

And then I'll kill myself and go straight to Hell, because I know you're not going there.

AND YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, IN A MILLION FUCKING YEARS, EVER FUCKING FIND ME.

tamponwrapper @ 2004-10-02T17:52:00

2004-10-02T21:52:54Z

Vomit.

2004-10-02T21:17:50Z

"I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."

Eternal Sunshine is a good movie. I feel really nauseous and sad.

Hey man, well she's a total glam glam.

2004-10-02T16:53:51Z

Haha. Yay for Bowie! I love Suffragette City it was the first Bowie song I ever heard. I feel like crap. My energy is still drained. I lost three pounds and celebrated by eating. How cool am I? I have nobody to talk to. I'm alooone. Oh, well. I hate being home alone. I need to talk to people. And with the amount of people who are always in my house (wait! "Wham, Bam, Thank you ma'am!" Kay i'm done) there's really no problem, usually. But right now, Jen's at her own house, Edie is either out or sleeping, my dad's off somewhere, my sister and mom are at The Big 'E'. I'm still not quite sure what that is...but I think it's a big fair or something.

What are we fighting for...Is there anything i'm gonna miss?

I like this song. I like a lot of moderately pop rockish songs from the 90's.

How's it gonna be when you don't know me anymore?

I am fairly convinced that nobody knows me. Nobody will ever know me. Ten years from now, when I'm out being famous and stuff, nobody will know me. I'm not sure why that is, because i'm a pretty open, honest person...and I just can't be myself around anybody.

-Groans- I have a fever. I am sick. Blah, blah, blah, bitch, bitch, bitch, moan, moan, moan.

Seriously though, I want to be healthy again. My bellybutton's looking better, I cleaned it like crazy today. Yep.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

2004-10-01T20:47:45Z

I am sick. And I feel...just, utterly disusting. Plus, he's a dick. But whatever. I don't care. As soon as i'm well, i'm getting a fucking life. I was rather depressed all day, I don't know whether it's from being sick or not. I started crying in French. Nobody saw me though, since I had my head buried in my arms and a sweatshirt hood covering my head and face. I talked to Hester today, and we talked about Ali and I got really sad. Everything made me sad today. Must be because of being sick. God I hope so. Seriously, i've never felt quite so disgusting. I have no energy, every bone in my body hurts, I feel like crying and crying and crying like the little baby I am. I hope I die. No, I don't. But I'm sure it would feel a lot better than the way I feel now. Falmouth has homecoming tonight. People keep telling me to go, and I keep telling them to fuck off. Because i'm a bitch. My school doesn't have homecoming...because even if we had a football team, it would be so bad that no one would attend any games. Waste of money, money that we don't have. Field = necessary, field we don't have. I can see my collarbone now, something i've always wanted. I also have a jaw now, another thing i've always wanted. Next, i'll be getting a pink pegasus. My computer really sucks and it's just adding to my terrible mood and all around state of being. I wish I was stupid, that would make everything in my life a lot easier. But i'm not. So there goes that plan. Same thing with being pretty, also not happening. And rich, actually that I don't really care about, but i'm sure it'd be nice. I complained about how my mom is a fake person today, and then felt badly. It hurts to breathe.

tamponwrapper @ 2004-09-30T16:01:00

2004-09-30T20:02:21Z

Waka Laka's a thing to play forever
Just to be together (Just to be together)
Waka Laka's a place to be forever
Waka Laka love and fantasy

(Waka... Waka... Waka...)

See Waka Laka when you need a flight of fantasy (fantasy)
Ecstasy (ecstasy)
Rhapsody (rhapsody)
See Waka Laka when you want a love so tenderness (tenderness)
Waka Laka make you fly

See Waka Laka when you're going to feel so sad and blue,
Just for you, never blue
See Waka Laka and a funny bunny'll free your life
Now it's Waka Laka time

I wanna live (I wanna live)
A brand new day (A brand new day)
Go far away (Go far away)
To Waka Laka place
A Waka time (A Waka time)
To feel so fine (To feel so fine)
A Waka Laka flight

Waka Laka's a thing to play forever
Just to be together (Just to be together)
Waka Laka's so magical and tender
Musical and wonder fantasy

Waka Laka's a never ending story
Glory, glory, glory (Glory, glory, glory)
Waka Laka's a place to be forever
Waka Laka love and,
Waka Laka love and,
Waka Laka love and fantasy

YAY! I'M A FUCKING LOSER!

tamponwrapper @ 2004-09-30T14:59:00

2004-09-30T18:59:41Z

Your True Sign Is Aries

Daring

Friendly

Energetic

Risk Taking

Dynamic Daredevil

Always on an Adventure

Without a Care in the World

Quick-Witted and Quick-Tempered

What's Your True Zodiac Sign? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

...I'm already an aries...

Broken balloon

2004-09-30T18:46:32Z

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
littlemissbrady goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as a butterfly.
vitalus gives you 7 light blue mint-flavoured gummy bears.
girl_pity gives you 5 blue strawberry-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
ohpsedo gives you 2 pink cola-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
tanquil_spirit tricks you! You get a broken balloon.
deviltears gives you 19 purple pineapple-flavoured gummies.
jane_doll gives you 13 tan cola-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
_almostinfamous tricks you! You lose 20 pieces of candy!
oxmaggiexo gives you 14 light blue peach-flavoured jelly beans.
xflammaanimusx gives you 8 white passionfruit-flavoured wafers.
laflava tricks you! You lose 5 pieces of candy!
littlemissbrady ends up with 43 pieces of candy, and a broken balloon.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Sick.

2004-09-29T21:12:57Z

Mr. Scott (my history teacher) on Bratz.

"Aren't these things scary? I have a little girl at home and I will never buy her one of these. Look at this one, she's wearing a midriff top and she's got the braids going on. They look like prostitutes! This one has her walkman and her mini-skirt and lacy top. And THAT one..she may not be a prostitute...but she's definitely a stripper." -Mr. Scott.

Dude, I am fucking sick right now. It blows.

tamponwrapper @ 2004-09-28T16:11:00

2004-09-28T20:38:28Z

I nearly did Freckles on heavy today while playing three rounds of DDR at lunch. Today was pretty basic, although in algebra with trig, I got moved twice and then isolated because I talk so much…although I still say it wasn’t my fault, Alicia kept poking her abdomen and complaining about her menstrual cycle. Then I tried sitting next to Will…and he was talking about shooting himself with a potato gun…I laughed and got moved again. Then, Will pointed and laughed at me, calling me the “smelly kid.” Laughter ensued. For the record, I don’t smell…well, I sort of did after playing DDR, but the deodorant saved me. In French, I talked to the two freshmen (freshmen in French 3? Double u tee eff?) They’re crazy smart, and pretty nice, I think I was in ballet class with one of them when I was younger. Tony drew me another picture, and drew in a butterfly belly button (aha! alliteration!) ring, to match mine. In Latin, Mr. Halligan was talking about how he was obsessed with Star Wars and that he hates when he has dreams that he can use the force…and then wakes up and can’t. Then he went on about dreams where he’s Spiderman…and then wakes up and, well, isn’t. Mike Fazzina was nice to me today, even though I made fun of him for playing Soul Caliber (which is still nowhere near as cool as Tekken.) Science was boring. In English, Mr. Marble asked me to present to the class at a later date about the poetry book he had me read…I forget the poet’s name…it’s like Osip Mandelsthan…it’s okay stuff, a little to wordy and a little too artsy…but whatever, there’s one I really like but I’m too lazy to type it up. In history, we continued our education of Communism, which I had to explain to Ben that it only works in theory. Hmph. Well, that was my day, basically. I don’t know why but a lot of people talk to me today. Hooray, I have friends. Okie. Off to therapy. It’s raining. Bah.

What am I, what I am, what what what (uh!)

What am I gonna do, if I can't get through
Counting all these freckles in my life
It's just a waste of my time
And there's no finishing line

How am I gonna do, if I can not get you
To listen to the dreams we could fulfill
Can't get them out of my bed
I want to knock them down the stairs

I check the stars, but there's no sign
Venus to Mars there is no line, baby
I could be happy
If you still loved me

Still your memory's clear
Always here deep inside my heart
I want you back to come and feed my appetite
Another lonely night
It's our life, why aren't you around?

I'm all alone, thinking
Here my eyes fill with fear
It's my life, why are you not here?

Yay! Freckles!

tamponwrapper @ 2004-09-26T17:59:00

2004-09-26T22:00:10Z

He never ceases to amaze me. Awesome music, kiddo.

tamponwrapper @ 2004-09-24T23:41:00

2004-09-25T03:43:16Z

I hear the clock it's six am
I feel so far from where I am
Got my eggs, got my pancakes too
Got my maple syrup, everything but you
Break the yolks, make a smiley face
I kinda like it in my brand new place
I wipe the spots off of the mirror
Don't leave the keys in the door
Never put wet towels
On the floor anymore cause

Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

Called my momma she was out for a walk
Consoled a cup of coffee
But it didn't wanna talk
Picked up a paper, it was more bad news
More hearts being broken
Or people being used
Put on my coat in the pouring rain
Saw a movie it just wasn't the same
Cause it was happy and I was sad
It made me miss you oh so bad

Dreams last for
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

Go about my business, I'm doing fine
Besides, what would I say
If I had you on the line
Same old story, not much to say
Hearts are broken every day
Brush my teeth and put the cap back on
I know you hate it when
I leave the light on
I pick a book up,
Turn the sheets down
Take a deep breath
And a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight

Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you will see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

Joke.

2004-09-25T02:10:39Z

I am a fucking joke to everybody.

tamponwrapper @ 2004-09-23T19:56:00

2004-09-23T23:58:10Z

"Braden, you are one of the most genuine people I ever met and I adore you. You are truly your own person and have your own taste in everything. One day we were aquaintances and the next we were friends, it was kind of random. We have about male breasts and hot Latin teachers, and we get yelled at a lot for being loud. I like spending time with you because you are so open and smart. And Brady always wins. Hells yes I'm a dirty white boy." -Alix.

You know what Alix? All I can say is this time you win...and I love you. Because you're awesome, and a dirty white boy, like me.

Idiots.

2004-09-23T22:09:56Z

Not going to get started on my all around terrible bus ride home. However, let me say, that those people on my bus, who I hate, are probably never going to get laid...ever...I am fairly convinced that the skeeviest prostitute in the seediest of all places...would still turn them all down.

CupidinisIra: Brady, I'm madly in love with you.

He means it too, which makes it even better.

Yay.

I miss you.

2004-09-21T22:55:04Z

do you miss me, miss misery
like you say you do?

Woot.

2004-09-21T21:24:02Z

So, I think I have a boyfriend. But i'm not really sure. Pete says I do.

Okay.

Why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

2004-09-20T21:14:10Z

I applied to Pie in the Sky and Coffee O today. I reeeeaaally want to work at Coffee O, and Pie in the Sky was only cause Brendo wanted me to. Oh well, it works out either way. I met Kyle today, he's cute. I think I'll date him if he actually still wants to. I dunno...he's like 18, whatever. At least he's younger than Owen.

Muaha.

School sucked. I got moved in Algebra because I talk to Alicia too much. It was her fault, she got me started on the topic of coke, anorexia and Mary Kate Olsen.

But that's besides the point.

I've tried vaseline...i've tried everything.

2004-09-19T23:38:24Z

Makes me want to give myself a beating

Owen called today. Mega yay. We talked for a few hours. Then I talked to Kyle, who I don't know very well, but is still worth a yay. I'm feeling...well...pretty well.

Anyone can see the signs, mittens in the summertime...thank you for your pity, you are too kind.

I'm over him.

But not Owen. -Grins-

You'll miss me when i'm gone.

Bad Habit

2004-09-19T17:21:46Z

biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

and you might say it's self-indulgent
you might say its self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be healthy

& pens and penknives take the blame
crane my neck & scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain...
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandum

and you might say it's self-indulgent
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be happy

and sappy songs about sex and cheating
bland accounts of two lovers meeting
make me want to give mankind a beating

and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, i'd kick the bucket
sixty times before i'd kick the habit

and as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
that even if i quit
there's not a chance in hell i'd stop
and anyone can see the signs
mittens in the summertime
thank you for your pity, you are too kind

and you might say its self-inflicted
but you see that's contradictive
why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

and pain opinions are sitcom feeding
they dont know that their minds are teething
makes me want to give mankind a beating

i'm tried bandages and sinking
i've tried gloves and even thinking
i've tried vaseline
i've tried everything
and no-one cares if your back is bleeding
they're concerned with their hair receding
looking back it was all maltreating
every thought that occurred misleading

makes me want to give myself a beating....

Pictures.

2004-09-19T14:08:50Z

Excerpt.

2004-09-18T21:22:30Z

"Brady first snared me with her eyes’ sweet fire..."

Oh, Sam...I do hope you're not mad at me.

Moop.

2004-09-18T21:11:24Z

Torrential rain, Woods Hole...Taft Playground. All part of my fun, cold day with Lindsey.

Freakish. Yum.

2004-09-18T15:28:34Z

As I'm talking my words slip to the floor
and they crawl through your legs and slide under the back door
rendering me freakish and dazed.
Well here I am. I don't know how to say this.
The only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me to shut me out.
So I'll go walking through the streets until my heels bleed
and I'll sing out my song in case the birds wish to sing along.
And I'll dig a tunnel to the center of the universe.
Well here I am. I don't know how to say this.
The only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me to shut me out.
I'll make my way across the frozen sea, beyond the blank
horizon,
when I can forget "you and me" and get a decent night's sleep.
Well here I am. I don't know how to say this.
The only thing I know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close when you're around me to shut me out.
Don't shut me out.

You haven't the faintest idea how many times Lindsey and I listened to this song. Oh, and the lyrics to The Ballad of Barry Allen which I posted are really incorrect...because the website I got them from BLOWS.